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Joke of the Day

"Energy Drink OD = Black out and wake up in a bookstore signing copies of the book ""Part-time Boy: The Unauthorized Biography of Lady Gaga."""

"In other words, 2 percent of household germs kinda like Lysol spray"

"How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb? Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her."

"I was having an argument with my deaf wife. All women are the same, they don't listen."

"Shutdown Apocalypse Update: GPS is down. Using a refrigerator magnet as a compass. I think it's just pointing to another refrigerator."

"Dont't drink and drive, it's very... whisky!"

"When I die, I want people to think back lovingly about me and say ""oh, I thought she was already dead"""

"Being in love is like peeing your pants: everybody sees it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

"What's not 50% off today? Health insurance"

"What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a child, you'll probably hate it as an adult"