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Joke of the Day

"my ex has had a really hard time moving on. from what i can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)"

"If you fail to take over a government... You've really screwed the [putsch.](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/putsch?s=ts)"

"What do cows call Frank Sinatra? Old Moo Eyes!"

"A bank robber took a mop and a bucket of soapy water to a job. He cleaned up."

"I tried to learn how to play the drums. but i'm just a beat off."

"I swallowed two pieces of string and when I went to the bathroom they came out tied together. I shit you knot."

"If the United States ever collapses, the upside is that we can finally use the blue starry part of American flags to make wizard hats."

"Monday through Friday I have a friend who, Monday through Friday seems very strong, but Saturday and Sunday he's weekend."

"I'm Japanese. I took my Viagra this morning. .. Now I'm ready for erection day."

"This guy poured his box of raisinets directly into his bag of popcorn at the movie counter. After my initial shock I bowed to him."