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Joke of the Day

"I tried to learn how to play the drums. but i'm just a beat off."

"All that money and sleep was super annoying anyway. -lies parents tell themselves"

"How do you find Will Smith when he's lost in the snow? You look for the fresh prints."

"A true Irish bean soup is made with exactly 239 beans... ..if you were to add one more bean, it would be too farty."

"Remember the Scooby Doo episode where they put Scooby down and gave Shaggy the death penalty for ripping the face off an innocent person?"

"Why did Sherlock Holmes not want a second cup of tea in the emergency room? Because it was More ER Tea."

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face."

"Set the bar low And watch people trip on it"

"Can I fax something to you? 'Could you fax over a copy?' 'No, I can't fax because of where I live' 'Where do you live?' 'The 21st century'"

"Kanye walks into a museum in Finland. ""Imma let you Finnish,"" he snickers. The entire tour laughs. They're all Kanye, too. And so are you."