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Joke of the Day

"What do cows call Frank Sinatra? Old Moo Eyes!"

"I thought Instagram was a cocaine delivery service."

"good news Craig, we got your murder charge bumped down to theft. just tell us why you stole that dude's blood/bones"

"Jesus take the wheel Carlos take the stereo, Manuel get the seats and I'll be the Juan on watch."

"A neutrino walks into a bar... and no fucks were given."

"What's the hardest part about dumping a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it."

"How Can Athiests Make Money and Get Free Food? By working at an abortion clinic."

"Remember back in the day, when you used to blow bubbles? Well, bubbles is back in town and he's looking for your number."

"Mumford & Sons! It's your cousin, Marvin. Marvin & Sons. You know that new sound you're looking for? *holds phone to a boiling pot of water*"

"Thought of this one as I was going to the basement. What does the commander say to the firing squad when they go camping? Ready, aim, make the FIRE!"