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Joke of the Day

"Yoga bends. Yoga stretches. Yoga realizes is out of shape. Yoga pants."

"My friend thinks he is smart ! My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

"X post from meanjokes: michael schumacher regained consciousness today, have your heard how the doctors did it? They sat him on the window seat of the bus"

"One problem with autocorrect is that you always end up posting some thong that you didn't Nintendo."

"Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, ""Your husband will die a horrible violent death."" Hilary asks, ""Will I be acquitted?"""

"What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce."

"3yo: *follows me into bathroom* Me: ""Privacy, please"" 3yo: ""Oh, right"" *closes door* ""Now we have privacy, Mommy"""

"[NSFW] A good crime sentence is... ...be made to fuck a ratchet"

"Why your mother had you Your mother did not get an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with you because she wanted you, but because the abortion cost more then keeping you alive."

"What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? DAMN! My friend told me this the other day not sure where it came from but I laughed "