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Joke of the Day

"Son: ""Dad, can you give me 30 bucks?"" Dad: ""20 bucks? What the hell do you need 10 bucks for?!"""

"My friends ask me if I got A haircut I say ""no, I got them ALL cut!"""

"[a 2nd grade classroom 5 yrs from now] TEACHER: Khaleesi M, please leave Khaleesi S alone. Khaleesi T, I still need your permission slip"

"""I have a particular set of spills,"" Liam Neeson says, eyeing his soiled shirt. He looks for a napkin but the last one's already been Taken."

"Sharks could be very gentle lovers. We don't know."

"Build a man a fire, and you'll keep him warm for a night. Light a man on fire, and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"Did you guys hear about the man with the wooden leg named Smith? I don't think he named is other leg..."

"Anyone else notice how Barney the Dinosaur is basically a T-rex & parents had no qualms about leaving their children with an apex predator?"

"One half of reddit will be mortified, the other will laugh at this joke. What did the south tower say to the north? BRB man, I've got to catch a plane. Im soz."

"Colleague: want some popcorn? Keeps you young and beautiful like me Me: Really? Looks to me you should've been eating a hell of a lot more"