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Joke of the Day
"*decides to go on a diet* *smokes weed* *eats a horse*"
Next Joke
"The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks."
"It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose."
"Why did Jon Snow become a spokesman for Rolex? For the time piece."
"Getting caught I got caught jacking off at the store yesterday. But seriously, who pays for bug spray?"
"So, a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch... The bartender asks, ""What the hell is that?"" The pirate responds, ""Arrrrr, it drives me nuts."""
"My girlfriend thinks I'm stalking her. Well, she's not my ""girlfriend."""
"Q: When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first? A: Who cares!"
"Cubs fans last night looked more distraught than Patrick Kane's last blind date."
"My best friend and I were comparing our penises... for who has the biggest. It ended in a tie."