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Joke of the Day

"The worst part about being introduced to new people is the panic moment where I think ""Pay attention! Pay attention!!!"" and miss their name."

"I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know."

"Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?"

"What do you say if Chris Brown is your blackjack dealer and you need another card?"

"Kissing is weird as hell. ""Um I really like you so I'm going to taste the inside of your face for a little while."""

"In 4th grade i pegged my gym teacher in the butt with a dodgeball then pretended to tie my shoes as he turned around. they were velcro"

"Everybody at the party got upset when Baby Jesus turned the wine into breast milk."

"Wearing Crocs is like getting a blow job from a dude... It feels really good until you look down, and realize how gay you are. Edit: Adam Carolla apparently wrote this. Who knew?"

"What does a dyslexic agnostic wonder about? Is there a dog?"

"Not now, kids. Mommy's boiling the Easter bunny."