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Joke of the Day

"wife: ""HOW ARE WE OUT OF ICE AGAIN?"" me: ""DUNNO,"" I yell from the bathroom; the penguin and I can barely contain our laughter."

"Why is PBS asking me for money? If I had money I wouldn't need to pretend crow migration habits are good entertainment."

"Here's a broom go sweep the floors... 'Here's a broom go sweep the floors.' 'But I have a PhD...' 'Oh, I'm sorry, give me the broom, I'll show you how its done.'"

"An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scotsman get a genetic test He was surprised by the results."

"Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For Drizzle"

"Why are hurricanes named after women? Because they arrive wet and wild then leave with your house and car"

"I read a book about a transsexual woman with a speech impediment.. It was titled 'Man or Myth'"

"What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid? Reality"

"Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves."

"All animals are wild animals if you give them tequila and lift up their t-shirts."