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Joke of the Day

"How many gay men does it take to change a lightbulb? ""Ummm ... forget about the changing the lightbulb, honey, maybe let's start with changing those curtains"""

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"""Bjark! Bjark!"" -Bjork's dog"
"There are 10 types of people in the world... Those who pee in the shower, those who don't, and those who didn't realize this joke was in trinary."
"I was waiting in line for soup at my favorite Vietnamese food truck... When this guy pushes in front to place his order. I'm like, ""Dude, pho queue."""
"[dinosaur naming committee] TERRY: and we will call the flying one the Terodactyl PTERRY: I've got a crazy idea"
"Why do Republicans make good DJs? Because they know how to shut the House down."
"Cop: *looks at license* Says here you need glasses. Me: I have contacts. Cop: I don't care who you know, you're not getting out of this one."
"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a lentil on his face."
"What does autocorrect and women have in common? They both jump to concussion"
"I wanted to start my vegan diet but apparently cannibalism is frowned upon."