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Joke of the Day

"I was so happy when I got my new thesaurus in the mail. But when I opened it, every page was blank! Damn. I have no words to describe how upset I am."

"I used Apple Maps to find my girlfriend's clitoris Ended up licking a doorknob."

"What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing. It just shuts up."

"Do you wanna get raped? person: No me: Well that's why its called rape not sexual intercourse"

"Son: Dad, how do stars die? Dad: Drugs, usually."

"Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door? A: The knocking always speeds up."

"Why don't black people dream? The last one who had a dream got shot."

"What do you call a Mexican who can't find parking. Noe. E-or estacionar is park in Spanish."

"[Justice League HQ] SUPERMAN: Looks like Batman is hungry tonight MOTHMAN: [visibly sweating] I think I'll just fight daytime crimes"

"Damn girl, are you an alarm clock? Because you were a good idea last night, but now I just want you to shut the fuck up."