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Joke of the Day
"Are you a general? Because you make my privates stand at attention."
Next Joke
"[job interview] Look. First, you give me a job. Then I get paid. THEN I'll be able to buy pants. I can't just skip ahead to the last step."
"Man's guide for a selfie: 1) Squint your eyes like your cool 2) Look off into the distance 3) Put your phone down 4) Don't take the selfie"
"I just finished reading Old Man by the Sea I really don't understand what all the fuss is about."
"I like my women like I like my coffee Selling for $2."
"Your mama is so poor She voted for Bernie Sanders! Bern!"
"Hillary wouldve made girls believe they can be President Trump made EVERYONE believe they can be President."
"There wad a 4 car pile up in Mexico today. . 93 people died."
"Recently I'm having a lot of bad dates! I've to try grapes now!"
"BUZZ ALDRIN:They say in space no one can hear you scream, but it's not true and the other astronauts get mad at you for the rest of the trip"