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Joke of the Day

"I like my woman like I like my font Bold, black, and size 14."

"Did you hear about the guy who chugged 8 cokes? He burped 7-Up"

"Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed? With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed"

"Before I rush off to the bathroom to pee, I just wanted to tell you what a good friend you are to me. On a scale from 1 to 10... *urinate*"

"Q: Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads? A: They want to measure their intelligence."

"Did you hear about the recent theft from the Louvre in Paris? Three paintings were stolen. The thieves took the Renoir to get the Monet to get their Van Gogh."

"First blowjob Guy: I got my first blowjob today. Friend: Was she good? Guy: She sucks."

"Let me make this simple, I want to be invited but I don't want to go."

"Two yrs ago I weighed 296lbs. Today I weigh 293lbs. Hard work makes dreams come true, folks."

"I called German UPS to ask them when they would ship my Rift.. They said, ""VR ready."""