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Joke of the Day

"IamA personal executive assistant answering questions on behalf of former Toronto mayor, Rob Ford, AMA! Whoops, wrong *sub.* [The Payoff](http://wompwompwomp.com/)"

"When my time comes, I'd like to die nice and peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather... But not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"listening to Mambo No. 5. every time Lou Bega says a woman's name I fire my gun into the sky"

"Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because a semi truck hit her."

"What's black and blue and red all over? The dress"

"Why does Bruce Willis live in America and watch porn? Because he wants to live free and die hard"

"The Steel Band by Lydia Dustbin"

"My boss knocked on my office door and asked if I had a sec... I told her I have lots of secs. Now I'm looking for a job."

"I told a wild dog to go away... It dingo anywhere."

"What if ants aren't insects at all but are vehicles that even smaller insects drive to work?"