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Joke of the Day
"What do you call someone who supports Hillary? Paid off."
Next Joke
"A couple is in bed, smoking after sex. He: - According to what I saw and I felt tonight, I'm not the first. She: - Of course not, and according to what I felt, you're not even the last."
"Instead of my usual Monday snark I'm going to be upbeat and have a great day LOLJK today will ass rape my spirit animal with its angry fist."
"What do you call a female lumberjack? A lumberjill"
"What do you call a skeleton who just had anesthesia? A numbskull"
"Little boy blue. He needed the money. credit: Andrew Dice Clay"
"What's the difference between a seagull and a baby? The seagull flits along the shore, the baby shits along the floor."
"When Harry Potter ejaculates, it's HP sauce For those who don't know, [HP sauce](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HP_Sauce) is a brown sauce sold in the UK."
"Sometimes I wake up grouchy sometimes I let her sleep"
"I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious."