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Joke of the Day

"#Confession: Sometimes I start random lines in a public setting just to see how many people I can get to stand behind me."

"What do you call a gay guy in a sleeping bag? A fruit roll up"

"I make my children listen to people like Pink Floyd and Bob Marley so they learn the difference between Chris Brown and music."

"Did you know that Diarrhea can kill you? Even if you only drink a little bit."

"Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again..."

"I'm leaving reddit"

"I don't mind head lice, unless I have to take them out of people's hair. But that's just me nitpicking."

"What do you call a human that's now a cactus? A transplant."

"The main difference between kids and dogs is that kids grow out of following you to the bathroom"

"My car starts to hydroplane. I let go & whisper, ""Do it. Become the plane you've always dreamed of. I love you."" *Soft kiss*"