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Joke of the Day

"Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it's like...I don't care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal"

"What do you call it when the only cow on your dairy farm won't produce milk? Utter despair."

"How many metal drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one, but it takes 32 lightbulbs."

"Hello? Fred's Restaurant. Hello! I'd like to know do you serve crabs? We serve anyone sir! Come on in!"

"Lady Astronaut: *eats all the chocolate* Guy Astronaut: You know we're on the space shuttle for- LA: SHUTTLE YOUR MOUTH AND GIVE ME SPACE"

"The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work."

"Ted Cruz just looks like a... Saturday Night Live Skit"

"Think of a good penis joke! Wait, I have a good one right on the tip of my tongue!"

"[3 AM] 5yo: *sobbing* Daddy Me: Ughhh..yes, sweetheart, what's wrong? 5yo: I'm lonely... Me: Then, don't ever get married. 5yo: Ok, Daddy."

"How too make a redditor gets mad. Oh is easy. All you need are too fuck you're English."