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Joke of the Day

"If I had a dollar for everytime I unnecessarily sexualize a sentence, I'd have 69 dollars."

"what would Netflix even do if i sent them back a DVD of me doing karate they'd have no choice but to add it to their collection i suppose"

"How Many Feminists Does it Take to Change a Light bulb? Trick question. Feminists can't change a thing."

"""She sends things to strangers on the internet and no one even cares but she keeps doing it"" - my dad, explaining me on twitter to my aunt."

"Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games? Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border."

"What do you get when you cross an agnostic, insomniac and a dyslexic? Someone who lies awake at night if there really is a dog."

"Why did we use guns in world war 2 against the Germans? We could've used Frebreze, it kills 99.99% of germs anyways."

"What's a vampire's fetish? Neckrophilia"

"I need this plant to grow. Well, water you waiting for?"

"So this crazy guy starts talking to me on the train... ""Is this the train to heaven?"", he asks me. ""No"", I say. ""Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit"", he replied."