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Joke of the Day

"Wife: It's not a chick flick! Me: was the movie released in February? W: yes. M: are they standing back to back on the cover? W: sigh.. yes"

"What should you always ask after someone says ""I'd fuck her, but only with a bag on her head""? Paper or plastic?"

"If the wrong women weren't so tempting, then I'd probably be married to the right one by now. @MaleHonesty86"

"What kind of meat do priests eat on Friday? (And no, the answer is NOT ""nun"".) filet mig-none"

"Origami Belts They're a waist of paper"

"My cat is recovering from... a massive stroke."

"""Oh, this one? It's an excuse to tell a story about my life that only I think is interesting"" - literally all tattoos"

"How do dolphins send messages? By sea-mail."

"Guys that try and pick up girls on Facebook are pathetic.. Girls, if you agree message me your number so we can talk about it."

"""What about flying rats with no poop muscles and scissors for mouths?"" - God creating birds"