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Joke of the Day
"The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated."
Next Joke
"Remember to check on your elderly neighbors to see if they have anything worth stealing."
"Sometimes I buy enormous pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight."
"How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit."
"Damn, you know you're getting old when you get up in the morning and have to rest for awhile"
"People keep asking what I thought of my Oklahoma trip It was OK"
"Rectangle? It nearly KILLEDtangle. ...I could totally write for kids' shows."
"What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python? A twenty-foot-long strip-light that can squeeze you to death."
"My highschool sweet heart is the mother of my two children. But apparently, my wife isn't too happy about it."
"If someone who knows several languages is multi-lingual, someone who knows two is bilingual, what is a person who only knows one? Average American"