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Joke of the Day

"Religious gardening rising in popularity with today's youth. Parents around the nation are alarmed at their teens obsession with Sects and Violets."

"What did the large furry mammal say when the salamander who kept asking for favors went too far? I can't bear it! You axolotl of me this time!"

"Wow if I squint through the tears I look pretty thin!"

"[breaking up yet another fight] Me: Why do you always fight with your sisters? 6-year-old: Because I always win."

"What signal tells you that a politician is lying? The lips are moving"

"I asked my friend if he wanted brown rice... He said, ""No, I hate brown rice; I only eat white rice."" I said, ""What are you, riceist?"""

"How do you spell candy with two letters? C and Y"

"I'm so sleepy I feel like I can sleep through to next year"

"Why do first year film students like analyzing porn? It's easy to identify the climax."

"Why are teachers always making answer keys? So they can open doors of opportunity for their students."