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Joke of the Day

"I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case."

"Adulthood - Pros: you can eat ice cream in bed. Cons: this will somehow make you sadder."

"Now that Harriet Tubman is on the $20 bill I hear it will only be worth $15.80"

"""1. Roll around in bed for a few hours. 2. Get kind of dressed. 3. DON'T EAT!"" - to do list for American Apparel models"

"I saw a gay bar with the entrance boarded up, but it was open... Everyone goes in the back door anyway"

"It's so easy to kick a midgets ass All you have to do is raise your foot barely off the ground."

"What do santa and a Jew have in common? they both escape through the chimney."

"Why are black crimes hard to solve? Because they're all criminals and they look the same."

"Did you hear about that look alike contest in china? Everybody won"

"For a guy that could change water into wine, I'm surprised Jesus only got hammered once."