71977

Joke of the Day

"How many dead hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Not 6, because it's still dark down there..."

"What's the difference between me and Jimmy Kimmel? I can make it to the end of a Jimmy Kimmel joke without laughing."

"I wanted to be a politician... But then I realized that I couldn't fit my entire head up my ass."

"What do you feel when there's no coffee left? Depresso"

"A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing. 'He's like a fish out of water.' You mean he's having trouble adjusting?' No, I mean he's dead.'"

"Despite all the hype, it was a mistake hiring a homeless personal trainer. I've been high in tent city training every day, but its not helping with my goals."

"What do you do when you see an enemy with half a face? Reload and shoot again!"

"When Granpa revealed an exit wound scar from WWII it gave me strength to show him the owie owie bruise I suffered closing a faulty pizza box"

"I bumped into an owl friend of mine... ... who told me he was getting engaged. I said, ""You twit, to who?"""

"I found my first grey pubic hair today. However, i didn't freak out about it like the other people in the elevator."