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Joke of the Day

"Every Red Hot Chili Peppers song has a part where it sounds like they're trying to guess words for a crossword puzzle."

"Dude tried to go medieval on my ass, so I went renaissance on his and confused him with my drawings of a flying machine"

"Don't tell a lot about yourself, behind your back will tell more interestingly about you."

"I rang up a local builder and said, ""I want a skip outside my house."" He said, ""I'm not stopping you."" **Tim Vine**"

"I get that preschoolers go to bed early but it's still weird that Nick Jr becomes a hardcore porn channel every night at 8."

"For sale, homeless man. Still in box"

"[1st date] Would it be odd if someone brought their cat on a date? Her: Very, what's in the box? Nothing, waiter cancel that can of tuna"

"What is Fortunato's one weakness? Cryptonight."

"Never trust someone who tells you mashed cauliflower tastes just like mashed potatoes. They'll lie to you about other things, too."

"What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison"