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Joke of the Day

"My daughter loves all the toys she sees in commercials. So of course I have to tell her they don't exist in real life, just on tv."

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"""You clean up nicely"", is just a polite way of saying, ""You usually look like shit."""
"/r/Jokes just surpassed /r/AskReddit in users! I lie..."
"Patient ""Doctor, I've broken my arm in several places"" Doctor ""Well don't go to those places."""
"Princess Dianna had dandruff They found her head and shoulders in the glovebox."
"How old is Cam Brain? As old as trilobites."
"I'm 35 and I was out to eat with my 18 year old girlfriend. Everyone was giving us dirty looks. Eventually I got up and yelled at everyone ""you are all ruining out 10th anniversary."""
"Women can fake orgasms... But men can fake love."
"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A fish."
"What do we want? Racing car noises! When do we want them? Neeeeeeeeooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"