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Joke of the Day

"I don't think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work"

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I don't know. It kept breaking my guitar strings so I gave up."

"Being popular on twitter is like being the keynote speaker at a Dementia Convention. No one remembers you the next day."

"Dictators dress to oppress."

"WIFE: I can't take it anymore. Your incorrect use of idioms is tearing us apart! ME [taking her hand]: Cat got your tongue?"

"Do twins have the same size penis? It's a valid question. I'm sleeping with one and really hope the other brother is doing better"

"I found out R. Kelly had sex with that girl because she reminded him of his mother He has an Oedipiss complex."

"Why couldn't the homosexual Irishman with an oral fixation order at the restaurant? He only spoke gaelic"

"I'm ready to be a dad. Of that, I'm sure. Wife: are you certain? Sure: yes."

"What do you call a blowjob from a homeless person ? A Bummer"