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Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, are you a maple tree? Cause I would tap that, and you have an impressive root structure which is where this metaphor falls apart."

"My girlfriend caught me cross-dressing So I packed up her clothes and left"

"I like my Coffee like I like my women Without a penis."

"Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb shit."

"Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection? I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)"

"A haunted house, but instead of masked creatures it's filled with everyone's mother-in-laws."

"[1st date] Her: so u play piano? Him: yep Her: is it hard? Him: that's pretty forward but yeah, as a rock Her: I meant playing piano Him: oh"

"So I'm balls deep in this guys ass and I go ahead and try to give him a reach-around... And he was hard.. How fucking gay is that?"

"What do you get if you cross a radio music presenter with Match of the Day ? DDDDDDDDDDDDDJ !"

"Fish don't like... to be told they smell like women either."