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Joke of the Day

"If I yawn, and the person talking says, 'Sorry for boring you', I graciously accept their apology. Because, manners."

"What's the difference between a long bearded redneck and a long bearded ISIS man? One wants to eat filthy american pigs, and the other wants to kill the filthy american pigs."

"Tomorrow's Thanksgiving! Have a fowl meal!"

"I hate it when homeless people shake their cups with change in it at me I get it, you have more money than me so stop showing off"

"So a baby seal walked into a club"

"Got a couple of real nice piles of dog shit on your lawn there. Sure would be a shame if something was to... you know, ""happen"" to them."

"The people on the internet are so friendly.... One guy called me bro, and he even said my story was cool."

"What instrument does Mother Earth play? The Qatar."

"Man gets his knob out at the supermarket Clerk sees it and says, ""You're in the wrong place, the locksmith's is next door."""

"I threw my cat a surprise party. Long story short, I need 30 stitches and learned I should never scream 'SURPRISE' directly in my cat's face"