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Joke of the Day

"Are you constantly in a rush and have ZERO time to just sit around and relax? What the hell are you doing here then, dipshit ??"

"Why won't Malia and Sasha Obama's classmates gossip about them? Because they know their father can read their emails."

"The past, the present, and the future all walked into one bar. It was quite tense."

"What did the Chinese government say about the air pollution? Suck it up!"

"A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says ""Five beers, please"""

"Have you heard of the new fishing net technology that is 300% more effective? cod damn it"

"I'll likely spend most of my child bearing years looking for a place to plug in my phone"

"The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep."

"I used to think I knew what a racist was until I told Usain Bolt he was my favorite racist ever."

"Stop screaming! I thought you'd appreciate having someone to pass you a towel when you got out of the shower"