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Joke of the Day

"Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and Father I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course no one pays the least bit of attention."

"Congrats to everyone who just got cast in the new Star Wars movie. The film industry is telling you they think you look like an alien."

"Why can't a ghost get anyone pregnant? Because he has a hollow-weenie"

"Apparently, you can only say ""look at you! You got so big!"" to children. Adults tend to get offended."

"Maybe the Titanic sank because there were too many cats onboard, you don't know."

"According to my khaki shorts, I need to give a couple more shakes after peeing."

"Why couldn't the stoner simplify his binomials in front of the class? Because a watched pothead never FOILS."

"Why did the BMX date the motorcycle? He was feeling a bit bike-curious."

"When the nun comes around to collect the offerings, I shell out a handful of change and a cucumber then give her a wink and a thumbs up."

"How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb? 30 because that's peasants work."