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Joke of the Day

"I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering, 98 of them said, ""How the hell did you get in here?"""

"[3 days into dieting] *sees ad for burger & fries* *drowns in his own saliva*"

"I couldn't recall where I had rented my car from... ...but then I remembered the Alamo"

"What do hand grenades and wives have in common? Remove the ring and your house is gone."

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection The judge says, ""First offender?"" The woman replies, ""No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."""

"How do you kill a redneck? Wait until he fucks his sister and then cut the brakes on his house."

"Whats black and isn't working? Black lives matter."

"Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can't do is pick up it's own poop. You're just a poop collector."

"I forgot my coffee this morning so I'm gonna drive on the rumble strips along the side of the road all the way to work just to be safe."

"Did I tell you I'm joining a gym in Gainesborough? Because I'm all about those gains bro"