71317

Joke of the Day

"What's 18 inches and makes women SCREAM? A stillborn."

"Literally The Best Joke Ever. The Best Joke Ever."

"humans bury seeds in the earth, while birds cut out the middle man and eat them straight. really makes you think if you're stupid like i am"

"Well I finally solved my drinking problem, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous Yeah I still drink, I just use a different name, that's all (Courtesy of Rodney Dangerfield on The Johnny Carson Show)"

"[first date] Me: don't let her know you're a lizard Her: why did you just say that? Me: (gets scared and loses my tail but I grow a new one)"

"What did one guy say to the other at the gay bar? May I push in your stool?"

"Your greatness is measured by the font-size of your obituary."

"My wife and I couldn't decide on which psychic to go and see... But we were able to come to a happy medium"

"Did you hear about the witch who went in for the lovely legs competition? She was beaten by the microphone stand."

"Every Girl Wants to be Swept off Her Feet It's when you put her in the trunk that she starts to freak out"