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Joke of the Day

"humans bury seeds in the earth, while birds cut out the middle man and eat them straight. really makes you think if you're stupid like i am"

"Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak"

"When a black guy pulls a knife on me on the subway I remind him he doesn't have to feed into racial stereotypes. Then I usually get stabbed."

"Boss: Dan why is your hand raised? Me: can I go to the bathroom? Boss: Dan you're 23. This is a business meeting Me: so that's a yes?"

"Condoms Two condoms are walking down the street, where they pass a gay bay One turns to the other and says ""want to go inside and get shit-faced?"""

"What do you call an aardvark in a frying pan? A lardvark!"

"9/11 joke Knock, knock. Who's there? Nine-eleven. Nine-eleven who? You said you'd never forget...."

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."

"I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high... She seemed surprised."

"""Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once."""