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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: That deafness cure help your brother? Archie: Sure did! He hadn't heard a sound in years and the very day after he took that medicine he heard from America!"

"Every time a baby gets named Shaniqua, a job opens up somewhere."

"The Dirtiest Dad Joke Every time my dad drives by a Little Caesars Pizza he says ""5 dollars hot and ready....I used to know a girl like that"" he says it EVERY TIME and thinks he's hillarious"

"What do you call a pig stuck in a topiary? A hedgehog."

"""You take pills because you're crazy"" ""No MOM, I take pills because they make me tolerant of crazy people that don't take pills"""

"If I want to nap for just an hour, I have a big glass of water beforehand. Alarms can be turned off, but a full bladder waits for no one."

"I can almost always tell if a movie doesn't use Real dinosaurs.."

"[first time having sex] Me: are u sure u aren't too drunk? Couch cushion: ...."

"I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I shoulda cooked it at aloha temperature."

"My resume is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."