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Joke of the Day

"This woman walked into a bar... and asked the barman for a double entendre. So he gave it to her."

"What do u call a Jew? Jewish"

"What is the difference between a midget politician and syphilis? One is a cunning runt."

"[lights 2016 calendar on fire] There. Now you can't hurt anyone any longer. [wind blows calendar onto my coat; I'm engulfed in flames]"

"Why can't Australians play chess? They keep saying check, mate."

"A knock knock joke for when your SO is on her period. Knock knock. Who's there? Mr. Tampon. Mr. Tampon who? You bloody well know who I am. (For best effect, physically knock on her pubic region)"

"Whenever someone dies they always tell me God called them home so that's why I'll never give Jesus my real phone number."

"What's an old woman taste like? Depends ..."

"Did you hear the one about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget."

"Black Friday is when Kim Kardashian shops for a new husband."