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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a midget politician and syphilis? One is a cunning runt."

"My girlfriend from high school called today. She's stoked about getting her driver's license."

"Your Lawyer and your Wife are drowning! Quick! You must make a decision!! Should you go to the movies, or order pizza?"

"It's pretty amazing that I'm able to balance my two kids, my career as a doctor, and my pathological lying!!"

"Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking? Because it's on the house."

"What do you call a con-artist who minored in psychology? Sigmund Fraud"

"How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out."

"If republicans stand up and clap I get a shot, if democrats stand up and clap I have to buy someone a shot who can't afford it. #sotu"

"Is it okay to joke about suicide? Or is it too much of a nooseance..."

"Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked."