10211

Joke of the Day

"Anytime I see a tweet in a different language, I read it as ""Oo ee Oo ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang."""

"What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross country!"

"JUDGE: i sentence you to life in prison MY LAWYER WHO IS A HOUSE FLY: nice that's only like 11 days"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Aaron ! Aaron who ! Aaron the barber's floor !"

"Every day the cat climbs a six-foot glass-block wall and watches my wife shower. She thinks it's cute. I do it once and I'm creepy."

"I can't stop reading things as if there were a punchline.. See what I mean?"

"What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night and wondering if there really is a dog."

"I remember when social networking was something that happened in person. How awkward."

"Why don't women run fast?? cause they hate getting fat!! edit: It's physics. The faster an object moves, the heavier it gets."

"So a circumference walks into a restaurant... ...sits down and orders a bowl of diameter ice cream. The waiter asks, ""You want pie with that?"""