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Joke of the Day
"What did the green grape said to the purple grape? BREATHE, GOD DAMMIT!! BREATHE!!!"
Next Joke
"I painted my computer black... thinking it would run faster but it just stopped working"
"What do you call a Mexican baptism? A bean dip."
"Birds that land and then WALK across the street... what the hell is wrong with you?"
"My wife and I were supposed to have a conversation about my erectile disfunction. It never came up."
"It's my ninth anniversary on Twitter. I could not have done it without my ex-wife and my kids whose names I no longer remember."
"I like my presidents like I like my slaves Cautious and skeptical about ideas that start off with ""I ran"""
"I only like 70 things.. One is alcohol. Another is 69."
"What is it that separates humans from animals? The Mediterranean Sea"
"What do you call a flock of crows who are resisting the urge to sin? *A tempted murder*"