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Joke of the Day
"What is it that separates humans from animals? The Mediterranean Sea"
Next Joke
"My iPhone corrects ""WHOA"" to ""WHOSE"", which just made my text response to ""I JUST HAD A BABY!!!"" a little awkward."
"Germans are always so quick to fix your mistakes when you trying to speak German. It's as if the whole German nation is on Otto correct."
"Why is sex with 92 year olds tiring? Because there is 90 of them..."
"""Mom, I'm an adult. There's nothing left for you to show me."" (*folds a fitted sheet*) ""TEACH ME YOUR SORCERY, LINEN WIZARD"""
"Has anybody lost a large roll of 20 dollar notes in a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band"
"""Here's Ted with the weather."" ""..."" ""I said... Here's Ted with the weather."" ""..."" ""Ted?"" ""THAT's what an unanswered text feels like, Sue."""
"What was the last thing Beethoven accomplished? Decomposing"
"The chef asked me how I liked my eggs and I accidentally said uneasy instead of over easy. Now I have some uncomfortable eggs staring at me."
"My girlfriend asked me if I wanted to reheat the leftover turkey from last night's NYE dinner. I told her I quit hot food, cold turkey"