70845

Joke of the Day

"""911 what's ur emergency"" This guy's not breathing ""Did u send him ur vibes?"" Yes I been sending em ""I'm sending some too"" Okay he good now"

"What do you do when your suicidal friend asks for a hi-five? You leave him hanging...."

"""Y'ever wonder why the TARDIS is square on the outside but round on the inside?"" *SuperCuts lady finishes my haircut without another word*"

"When I die, I want people to think back lovingly about me and say ""oh, I thought she was already dead"""

"Whenever I try to steal from people I get stabbed by an old plastic fork or a stick. The homeless are resourceful, man."

"Sir you haven't touched your custard. I'm just waiting for the fly to stop using it as a trampoline !"

"How did Arnie convince his wife to move in with him? ""Live vit me if you vant to cum"""

"My friend says he has a job putting down sick cats. Can't believe he gets paid to slay mad pussy"

"The more ""normal"" you try to be, the less interesting people like myself will find you."

"People say you are what you eat... So you're a dick."