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Joke of the Day

"China has blocked Twitter. Now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I'm having for lunch."

"9/11 jokes aren't funny. My uncle died on one of the planes. His last words were ALLAHHHU AKBARR!"

"I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist."

"What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill? ""I'm cured!"""

"What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest? A suicide vest will blow you."

"What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel."

"Two hookers talking. One ask the other. Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz? To which the other replies No, but I've been swung around by the tits."

"My grandfather told me he closed one eye whenever he saw a jew in the good old days... He was a sniper"

"What do you call a American football team full of retards? Special teams"

"I dropped my phone in the toilet, so I put it in a bowl of rice, and waited for the Asians to come and fix it."