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Joke of the Day

"Do you think Rick Astley ever just busts into places unexpectedly? He could."

"What's the worst part about fucking your grandma? Banging your head on the coffin lid."

"Why did the gay vigilante get arrested? He tried to take down a budgie smuggler."

"Slept like a log last night... Woke up in the fireplace. "

"I don't think drinking Vodka is the solution to all of my problems... But it's worth a shot."

"*job interview* ""So this yearbook isn't your resume?"" ""No. I'm not a moron. Those are my references. I highlighted all the NEVER CHANGE's."""

"What kind of file do you need to turn a 8mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile"

"Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous, but... when I tap on the window late at night dressed as a clown, they scream and call the cops."

"Hey, are you BB-8? (harmless spoiler) Coz I'd like to fix your antenna ( )"

"What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic? A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. ~ Infinite Jest, by DFW"