70768

Joke of the Day

"""I got chills, they're multiplying, and I'm losin' control."" Buddy, you got stomach flu."

"Flo Rida Did you know Right Round by Flo Rida was actually taken from an old Nazi spiritual from the '40's? Oh yeah, the original goes like this: Jew spin mein head reich round, reich round..."

"In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you."

"Why did the letter arrive wet? Because it had postage dew."

"Guy in the dressing room next to mine: ""I don't want to get blood on these pants."" I want to reply, ""Then stay out of my way on the catwalk"""

"Why do you get the best blowjob at a crack house? Because they ain't got no teeth!"

"[wife walking in the door after work] WIFE: I had just had the worst... why are our kids in the dog cage? ME: a hello would be nice."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he ain't comin'."

"""Must you lick the knife?"" ""Sorry,force of habit"" I said ""Loads of people do it though, don't they?"" ""Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor"""

"Olympic track makes you feel like you witnesed a crime, because you hear a gunshot and then see a bunch of black guys hauling ass."