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Joke of the Day

"why does it take so long for a pirate to learn the alphabet? the could spend years at sea"

"I'm still disappointed that The Phantom Menace was never nominated for an Academy Award... ...for Best Animated Film."

"How was I supposed know she was ugly? She had big titties."

"did you hear about the time they strapped a Timex watch on an old, flea-bitten dog to see what would happen? The watch kept ticking, the ticks kept watching."

"I don't care about following a 'funny' celebrity from tv on Twitter-instead I look up who writes for their show then follow that person."

"Where do you usually find dogs? It all depends on where you lose them."

"Dumb Joke David: Jim, you've got to be the dumbest son of a bitch I've ever met Jim: Really? I think that's a hyperbola"

"Jedi Knights love analogies. ""Metaphors be with you!"""

"Heading out for drinks, bail money's on top of the fridge."