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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a midget psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large."

"Dad said he met my stepmom outside a strip club... ""But Dad, you said you met her on a golf course!"" ""Exactly. We weren't inside a strip club."""

"If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence. In the country it's called sibling rivalry."

"Sorry, I just got your text. Do you still need a ride to the ER?"

"Do you know the best part about having only one eye and bad vision? LASIK is half off."

"What did the philosophically-wise Mongol general say to motivate himself? I'm not Immanuel Kant. I'm Genghis Kahn!"

"Did you see the article about Apple buying large, popular websites? Yeah, iReddit."

"[Mad scientist lamenting] ""All that work, trying to create a perfect palindrome ..wasted! DAMMIT I'M MAD !"" (Pauses) ""Hey...wait"

"I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym... I guess we just weren't working out."

"When I was 20, a stranger ran up to me in the street and said we should get a divorce. That set the tone of weirdness for my adult life."