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Joke of the Day

"When I see.... ...lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"You're a unit of power Harry ""Im a watt?"""

"Why is there no Windows 9? Because 7 8 9"

"Why do asians squint all the time? Because nukes are so bright"

"You get home from work early. You walk into the kitchen and your dog is peeling a potato. Startled, she yells ""IT'S JUST A POTATO!"" #ambien"

"How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife? Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes."

"I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock.... I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds. I'm here all day.."

"What's the true meaning of a New Years resolution? Something you do for the first week of the new year."

"My ex gf came from the land down under, no not Australia, Hell."

"What do you call it when you torture corn to death? Macabre!"