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Joke of the Day

"Introducing my girlfriend to the family Me: This is my girlfriend Jane Jane: Hi Wife: What the fuck"

"""Pay attention, 007; this might look like an ordinary suitcase but, if you push this button, a handle comes out and you can wheel it."""

"What symphony is a pedophiles favorite? Mozart's magic flute in A minor."

"Smartphones are pacifiers for adults."

"What kind of dogs are full of Chinese scientists? Yellow labs"

"What's the best thing about a woman? She doesn't have a dick! I'm so, so sorry."

"Freezing bananas before they go bad is a great tip I learned 6 months ago. Now I have a freezer full of bananas"

"I'll pay you to dress like a Comcast employee and let me hit you with my car."

"Policeman: Do you know how fast you were going? Motorist: No you're the one with the radar."

"My favorite party game is taking a drink every time I feel insecure amidst the surrounding group of people."