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Joke of the Day

"Since wine is made from grapes its technically accurate to say I did a fruit juice cleanse for New Years Eve."

"What is 6.9? A very good moment ruined by a period."

"Why did the baker have smelly hands? ...because he kneaded a poo."

"Don't worry, everyone else is as confused as you, I swear."

"Why did the tea-bag fall down the hill? To steep."

"How do you please all the people? Tell them Ellen Pao has stepped down as of today!"

"A blind girl was giving me a handjob last night..... and said ""this is the biggest cock I've ever felt in my hand."" I said ""Nah you're just pulling my leg."""

"Urban Dictionary is fake, and cannot be used in a court of law. I know that now."

"My girlfriend named her pussy trouble. And now I'm always trying to get into trouble."

"Detective: someone's been stealing boats, can we look in your basement? Me: I don't have a basement *sound of foghorn from basement*"