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Joke of the Day

"A blind girl was giving me a handjob last night..... and said ""this is the biggest cock I've ever felt in my hand."" I said ""Nah you're just pulling my leg."""

"Why are blood oranges the only ""blood"" fruit? Why not blood bananas? Who wouldn't like to slurp down a nice ripe blood banana?"

"MOM: always open the door for a lady [later on date] ME: Let me get that for you [reaching under stall door for lock] please stop screaming"

"How do you get a guitar player to shut up? Put sheet music in front of him"

"if anyone tels u ""evryday is a gift, thats why its caled the present"" just say ""evryday begins in sadness, thats why its caled the mourning"""

"ME: *staring into my lover's eyes in the midst of a warm embrace* HER: What are you thinking? ME: *caressing her cheek* I forgot your name."

"Today somebody told me about a bear that climbs a mountain... ...But the story goes downhill from there."

"Is it still illegal to run someone over with your car if they're wearing camouflage?"

"After realising that I had accidentally eaten my clone, I shat myself."

"What did one sub-orbital jet propulsion engineer say to the other? This ain't exactly rocket science."