63598

Joke of the Day

"A blind girl was giving me a handjob last night..... and said ""this is the biggest cock I've ever felt in my hand."" I said ""Nah you're just pulling my leg."""

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently not 3, because my basement is still dark."

"I can't take the time to exercise but I did some killer cardio pacing indecisively in front of the Ben & Jerry's section of the supermarket."

"I don't care about all the nasty stuff people put on here about Nicki Minaj. I'll still suck her c**k anytime."

"Piss off the DJ by dancing the Macarena to all his music."

"In the eye doctor waiting room with my mom. There's apparently an old person throat clearing competition here today."

"After taking a bunch of 7-year-olds on a field trip to the Natural History Museum, I realized their favorite exhibit was ""Elevator Buttons."""

"I think it's obvious that Goo Goo Dolls and Lady Gaga should do a side project together and call it Goo Goo Gaga."

"Why didn't Microsoft release Windows 9? Because Windows 7 ate 9."

"A woman wants to buy a pair of spectacles. A woman walks into a shop and says,"" Doctor, I think I need a pair of spectacles! "" The shopkeeper replies,"" You certainly do ma'am! This is a grocery store."