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Joke of the Day

"Detective: someone's been stealing boats, can we look in your basement? Me: I don't have a basement *sound of foghorn from basement*"

"At age 40 you gain the capacity to fall totally chemically head over heels in love with a refrigerator."

"""I hope they bought enough beer so they won't notice how much I'm drinking"" -My prayer as I pull into my parents driveway"

"I just peed in my bath. But don't worry, I won't drink the water. - 4 year old logic"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alva ! Alva who ? Alva heart !"

"""Naps ain't shit!"" -Comas"

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."

"What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?"

"May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning."

"What does an 80-year-old person taste like? Depends."